Q: Dear Sadie, I compose noise music. If you haven't heard of it, that means music that sounds like, well, noise. I had the idea that people could commission me to write noise music for them, so I put up a couple of auctions on eBay. My problem is that nobody is bidding. Do you have an idea about how I can convince people to pay me to make noise? Thanks,
-Celeste, Berkeley

A: I have a recurring dream where I get sent away in a rocketship with Mick Jaggar. It is just the two of us and he feeds me grapes, sings "Satisfaction" and kisses my toes with his big, pout lips. But I think you're a woman and you sound too poor to buy us a rocketship to go to space, so I 'm not interested in your music. Hope that helps.
-DR. Sadie