Q: I dated a guy 10 years ago who recently called to borrow money which he says he will pay back, what do you say?
-Donna
A: Donna, first, let me thank you for asking this question. I am alway thrilled to get a question like this because IT MAKES ME SO *^&% ANGRY! I've been relative serene this weekend, which makes me feel bored and pouty. And along comes a guy from 10 years ago and asks to borrow money. Tell him this: Sure, you can borrow money, if first you pay back the years of my life you stole by being a selfish, self-centered, stinky jerk with bad table manners, who dumped me for a waitress in Fresno! (Donna, I'm not sure how much of that is true, but it feels great to get off your chest).
-DR. Sadie
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
worLd peace and profits
Q: Dear Dr. Sadie,
OK, this is really, really important. What can I do to achieve word peace in our time while still making a huge profit from it?
Peace be to you,
- George
A: George, I presume you mean "World" peace though you wrote "word" peace. Can you write back and clarify? If you mean "word" peace, I probably can't help you. If you mean "World" peace, the answer is to simple: invent technology that causes people to drop into a happy nap everytime they pick up a firearm or other weapon. This will lead to world peace. Then, whenever someone gets frustrated that they can't get angry without napping, offer to sell them a napping mat with spikes to put under the feet of their enemies. It's so simple that I can't believe no one else has thought of it. please include me on the patent.
-DR. Sadie
OK, this is really, really important. What can I do to achieve word peace in our time while still making a huge profit from it?
Peace be to you,
- George
A: George, I presume you mean "World" peace though you wrote "word" peace. Can you write back and clarify? If you mean "word" peace, I probably can't help you. If you mean "World" peace, the answer is to simple: invent technology that causes people to drop into a happy nap everytime they pick up a firearm or other weapon. This will lead to world peace. Then, whenever someone gets frustrated that they can't get angry without napping, offer to sell them a napping mat with spikes to put under the feet of their enemies. It's so simple that I can't believe no one else has thought of it. please include me on the patent.
-DR. Sadie
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Astute Career Counseling
Q: Dear Dr. Sadie - I was very sorry to learn of Mort's passing, but am delighted to see you getting on with your life (even if you are a comic strip character).
Should I pursue a career in geriatric nursing with a specialty in speech pathology (the latter in order to assist victims of stroke in communication)? Please advise.....
-Tracy
A: Tracy, rarely do I deign to give anyone actual advice, as all of you cretins are beneath me and my wise counsel. But in this case, I thank you for your comment on Mort's passing and I will take your heartfet question steriously. I strongly advise you to pursue a career in baseball. the best job in the world is playing 3rd base for the New York Yankees. If you get that job, I would appreciate if you would introduce me to Derek Jeter, the hunky shortstop. If you insist on pursuing that other job -- the one for old people -- then try to visit the pharmacy ad get me some Icy Hot rubbing creme which I can put in Rudy's shorts. Hope this helps wth your difficult decision.
-DR. Sadie
Should I pursue a career in geriatric nursing with a specialty in speech pathology (the latter in order to assist victims of stroke in communication)? Please advise.....
-Tracy
A: Tracy, rarely do I deign to give anyone actual advice, as all of you cretins are beneath me and my wise counsel. But in this case, I thank you for your comment on Mort's passing and I will take your heartfet question steriously. I strongly advise you to pursue a career in baseball. the best job in the world is playing 3rd base for the New York Yankees. If you get that job, I would appreciate if you would introduce me to Derek Jeter, the hunky shortstop. If you insist on pursuing that other job -- the one for old people -- then try to visit the pharmacy ad get me some Icy Hot rubbing creme which I can put in Rudy's shorts. Hope this helps wth your difficult decision.
-DR. Sadie
Q: Dear Sadie, I compose noise music. If you haven't heard of it, that means music that sounds like, well, noise. I had the idea that people could commission me to write noise music for them, so I put up a couple of auctions on eBay. My problem is that nobody is bidding. Do you have an idea about how I can convince people to pay me to make noise? Thanks,
-Celeste, Berkeley
A: I have a recurring dream where I get sent away in a rocketship with Mick Jaggar. It is just the two of us and he feeds me grapes, sings "Satisfaction" and kisses my toes with his big, pout lips. But I think you're a woman and you sound too poor to buy us a rocketship to go to space, so I 'm not interested in your music. Hope that helps.
-DR. Sadie
-Celeste, Berkeley
A: I have a recurring dream where I get sent away in a rocketship with Mick Jaggar. It is just the two of us and he feeds me grapes, sings "Satisfaction" and kisses my toes with his big, pout lips. But I think you're a woman and you sound too poor to buy us a rocketship to go to space, so I 'm not interested in your music. Hope that helps.
-DR. Sadie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)