questions for sadie

Q: Ms. Cohen, How old are you? What color was your hair before you got old? What is it now? Who are your parents? Are they still around? Do you have any children? If so any grandchildren? How are you related to Rudy? You have an interesting figure, how do you keep it up? And finally Sadie will you ever find true happiness again?
- Joe


A: Dear Joe, I will share these secret answers only with you.
How old are you?
- A lady never tells.

What color was your hair before you got old? What is it now?
- It has been gray since my birth. When I was delivered, the doctor said I looked like a cute little suffragette, and I punched him in the jaw

Who are your parents?
- The identity of my parents is a military secret, though I don't mind telling you some generalities. My father was a dashing former president of the United States or a Railroad or Automobile magnate, or a New York firefighter, or the Coney Island hotdog eating champion, or Einstein. It's not clear because my mother was a gorgeous lass and early go-go dancer who had no patience for men and their whiny ways and tossed them out as quickly as she collected them, especially with their whiny theories of relativity. She was my hero and I despised her, and no counselor can convince me otherwise.

Are they still around?
- Their DNA has been saved and they are part of a genetic experiment, but I can't say more (because of copyright conflicts with the owners of the Rudy Park comic strip; they own the rights to my parents' story. Look for future plots along these lines)

Do you have any children?
- Numerous ones. We do not keep in touch.
If so any grandchildren?
-Yes, and one of them was on this season's American Idol. Can you guess which?

How are you related to Rudy?
- This is a mean and unecessary question. Rudy and I are not relations. I was briefly his aunt when I married Mort. But the only good thing about Morty's death is that it freed me of any familial connection to that loathsome whiner. If I ever find out I'm related to Rudy, you will hear the screams on Mars.

You have an interesting figure, how do you keep it up?
- loads of carbs.

And finally Sadie will you ever find true happiness again?
I'm happy you #(*^*& jerk! What makes you think I'm not #*^& happy?!
-DR. Sadie