Q: Dr. Sadie,This morning I managed to piss off my wife by telling her I loved her. What happened?
-Schadeboy, Sierra Vista, AZ
A: Schadeboy, first a question, and this is a delicate one: are you sure it was your wife you were talking to? I myself have sometimes become distracted and accidentally said something intimate to the wrong person. If, in fact, it was your wife you spoke to, and she got angry, then you are confronting the simple, charming reality that marriage is a death trap that will squeeze the essence from your soul. Either that, or she was low blood sugar.
-DR. Sadie
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
Words for a Road Hog
Q: Dear Sadie,
My boyfriend and I have a lot of trouble communicating while we are riding our motorcycles and we always end up in arguments. I want to buy a bike-to-bike communication system, but he says it's too expensive. Should we try to learn "sign" language instead?
-Harley Momma
A: Dear HM,
The premise of your question disturbs me. Your phrasing suggests that you don't want to get into arguments -- almost as if arguments are a bad thing. Quite the contrary. Arguments are the lifeblood of relationships. You might as well not have a relationship if you don't have arguments. Or, maybe that's sex I'm thinking about. It's been so long I can't remember. The point is: keep arguing and riding your hog, preferably at the same time. It might not be safe for other drivers, but it sure keeps things spicy.
-DR. Sadie
My boyfriend and I have a lot of trouble communicating while we are riding our motorcycles and we always end up in arguments. I want to buy a bike-to-bike communication system, but he says it's too expensive. Should we try to learn "sign" language instead?
-Harley Momma
A: Dear HM,
The premise of your question disturbs me. Your phrasing suggests that you don't want to get into arguments -- almost as if arguments are a bad thing. Quite the contrary. Arguments are the lifeblood of relationships. You might as well not have a relationship if you don't have arguments. Or, maybe that's sex I'm thinking about. It's been so long I can't remember. The point is: keep arguing and riding your hog, preferably at the same time. It might not be safe for other drivers, but it sure keeps things spicy.
-DR. Sadie
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Ex Wants Money
Q: I dated a guy 10 years ago who recently called to borrow money which he says he will pay back, what do you say?
-Donna
A: Donna, first, let me thank you for asking this question. I am alway thrilled to get a question like this because IT MAKES ME SO *^&% ANGRY! I've been relative serene this weekend, which makes me feel bored and pouty. And along comes a guy from 10 years ago and asks to borrow money. Tell him this: Sure, you can borrow money, if first you pay back the years of my life you stole by being a selfish, self-centered, stinky jerk with bad table manners, who dumped me for a waitress in Fresno! (Donna, I'm not sure how much of that is true, but it feels great to get off your chest).
-DR. Sadie
-Donna
A: Donna, first, let me thank you for asking this question. I am alway thrilled to get a question like this because IT MAKES ME SO *^&% ANGRY! I've been relative serene this weekend, which makes me feel bored and pouty. And along comes a guy from 10 years ago and asks to borrow money. Tell him this: Sure, you can borrow money, if first you pay back the years of my life you stole by being a selfish, self-centered, stinky jerk with bad table manners, who dumped me for a waitress in Fresno! (Donna, I'm not sure how much of that is true, but it feels great to get off your chest).
-DR. Sadie
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
man seeking (classy) dame
Q: Dear Sadie,I would like to make a female friend but have found the all the girls at my university are witless classless skanks. What alternatives do I have?
-Justin
A: Hey, I can think of a good way to attract women: call them skanks! (please note the extremely sarcastic tone). First, clean up your trashy mouth. That's no way to talk under any circumstances. Second, act like the kind of person you want to attract. Third, buy a t-shirt with my picture on it (you can do so on this very site). If women don't find you attractive at that point, well, frankly, they are classless skanks.
-DR. Sadie
-Justin
A: Hey, I can think of a good way to attract women: call them skanks! (please note the extremely sarcastic tone). First, clean up your trashy mouth. That's no way to talk under any circumstances. Second, act like the kind of person you want to attract. Third, buy a t-shirt with my picture on it (you can do so on this very site). If women don't find you attractive at that point, well, frankly, they are classless skanks.
-DR. Sadie
Sunday, April 8, 2007
love or witchcraft
Q: Dear Lady, Sorry about the demise of your husband. I need your advice. I'm in love with a guy who is my friend. We've known each other for years, but I want to go deeper now. I don't want to risk losing his friendship, but I love him. What should I do?
-heartsick and hopeful in the OC
A: H&H, i had a great great grandmother, Madeline Cohen. She faced the same problem many years ago. She invited the man she loved over for a romantic dinner, made him dinner, then explained to him that if he didn't go deeper with her she would tell everyone in the village that his sister was a witch practiced in the dark arts. it was a pretty rough threat (and not at all based in truth), but great great grandma cohen was a real romantic who would do anything for love. Those, of course, were different times. anyhow...what was the question again? Oh yes, what to do about your true love... Make him cookies and give him a nice note about your feeling. If that doesn't work, does he have a sister?
-DR. Sadie
-heartsick and hopeful in the OC
A: H&H, i had a great great grandmother, Madeline Cohen. She faced the same problem many years ago. She invited the man she loved over for a romantic dinner, made him dinner, then explained to him that if he didn't go deeper with her she would tell everyone in the village that his sister was a witch practiced in the dark arts. it was a pretty rough threat (and not at all based in truth), but great great grandma cohen was a real romantic who would do anything for love. Those, of course, were different times. anyhow...what was the question again? Oh yes, what to do about your true love... Make him cookies and give him a nice note about your feeling. If that doesn't work, does he have a sister?
-DR. Sadie
cheat and prosper
Q: Hello Doc, my boyfriend just broke up with me and I REALLY love him. He hooked up with this other girl now and he's "Happy". How can I get him to come back to me?
-Desperate, cute pouty face
A: Dear CPF, in my day, if a fella broke up with us and it hurt our feelings, we secretly submitted his name to the draft board. You don't have that option. I recommend taking a mature approach and hooking up with your boyfriend's best friend (I assume that by "hooking up" we're talking about holding hands during daylight in front of chaperones). Also, lose the goofy nickname. It makes me want to break up with you too.
-DR. Sadie
-Desperate, cute pouty face
A: Dear CPF, in my day, if a fella broke up with us and it hurt our feelings, we secretly submitted his name to the draft board. You don't have that option. I recommend taking a mature approach and hooking up with your boyfriend's best friend (I assume that by "hooking up" we're talking about holding hands during daylight in front of chaperones). Also, lose the goofy nickname. It makes me want to break up with you too.
-DR. Sadie
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Chatty Wife
Q: Sadie,My wife seems to have a constant need to require more information than is necessary out of any statement that I make. For example, I might say something like, "Honey, I'm home." and she says "Oh, you mean your coworker Mike and his wife had their baby? Tell me all the details." In fact, now that I think about it, all you women seem to have this requirement. Is it hard coded into your genes, or something? What can I, as a man, do to tone down or eliminate this annoying habit? Thanks.
-Schadeboy, Sierra Vista, AZ
A: Dear Schadeboy, or should I call you whineboy? Just so I'm clear: are you asking me -- a woman -- for advice even as you also insult all women by calling us annoying busy bodies? You're like all men. You complain about women. But you need us -- to listen to you, make your food, clean up your piles of stinky laundry, show you how to dress properly and be polite in company. And to give you advice over the Internet! Now go in the other room, apologize to your wife, tell her everything she wants to know, give her a foot rub and buy her a Rudy Park coffee mug as a gift. Penance!**
-DR. Sadie
**Dr. Sadie, like all female cartoon characters, is not above shameless marketing tactics.
-Schadeboy, Sierra Vista, AZ
A: Dear Schadeboy, or should I call you whineboy? Just so I'm clear: are you asking me -- a woman -- for advice even as you also insult all women by calling us annoying busy bodies? You're like all men. You complain about women. But you need us -- to listen to you, make your food, clean up your piles of stinky laundry, show you how to dress properly and be polite in company. And to give you advice over the Internet! Now go in the other room, apologize to your wife, tell her everything she wants to know, give her a foot rub and buy her a Rudy Park coffee mug as a gift. Penance!**
-DR. Sadie
**Dr. Sadie, like all female cartoon characters, is not above shameless marketing tactics.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Q: My girl says we should see other people… What do you suggest?
-Mack, Colorado Springs, Co
A: Mack, if that is your real name, if your girl wants to see other people, you should let her. It's important that you approach this in a mature, adult fashion. For instance, you should not necessarily throw all her stuff on the lawn, call her a hussy, then anonymously telephone the local newspaper and rat out your girlfriend as the cause of Global Warming. At least not necessarily in that order.
-DR. Sadie
-Mack, Colorado Springs, Co
A: Mack, if that is your real name, if your girl wants to see other people, you should let her. It's important that you approach this in a mature, adult fashion. For instance, you should not necessarily throw all her stuff on the lawn, call her a hussy, then anonymously telephone the local newspaper and rat out your girlfriend as the cause of Global Warming. At least not necessarily in that order.
-DR. Sadie
Q: Hey Doc...
For 13 years I've been the sole money-earner in our family. After the kids got in school, my wife decided to get her teachers degree. She's since finished and has gotten a job teaching. After she got her job, I decided it was time for me to switch careers and I'm getting my REALTOR's license. I've done all my schooling and I'm waiting for my background check to comeback so I can get my license. In the meantime, I'm spending more time at home, taking care of the kids after school, doing housework, running errands, etc. Things she used to do, but can't now that she's working.
Here's the problem. I'm actually enjoying the change of pace being a "Mr. Mom". Is that wrong? What should I do if I find myself one day watching a back to back Oprah/Dr. Phil shows?
Help me!
-Tony, Mayfield, KY
A: First, congratulations. You've managed to get your wife to do the work while you stay home watching TV. Second: background check? Also brilliant. I assume that your plan is to fail the background check (easy to do if you anonymously tip the State Real Estate Licensing Board off to your college arrest record). Then tell your wife you tried to get a job, failed the background check, and that you're too depressed to work OR care for the kids and you that in order to cheer up, you really need her to give you a batch of chocolate chip cookies and a foot rub.
-DR. Sadie
For 13 years I've been the sole money-earner in our family. After the kids got in school, my wife decided to get her teachers degree. She's since finished and has gotten a job teaching. After she got her job, I decided it was time for me to switch careers and I'm getting my REALTOR's license. I've done all my schooling and I'm waiting for my background check to comeback so I can get my license. In the meantime, I'm spending more time at home, taking care of the kids after school, doing housework, running errands, etc. Things she used to do, but can't now that she's working.
Here's the problem. I'm actually enjoying the change of pace being a "Mr. Mom". Is that wrong? What should I do if I find myself one day watching a back to back Oprah/Dr. Phil shows?
Help me!
-Tony, Mayfield, KY
A: First, congratulations. You've managed to get your wife to do the work while you stay home watching TV. Second: background check? Also brilliant. I assume that your plan is to fail the background check (easy to do if you anonymously tip the State Real Estate Licensing Board off to your college arrest record). Then tell your wife you tried to get a job, failed the background check, and that you're too depressed to work OR care for the kids and you that in order to cheer up, you really need her to give you a batch of chocolate chip cookies and a foot rub.
-DR. Sadie
Q: Dear Dr. Sadie, My boyfriend (of 9 months) never wants to ... you know. He says it's cause he's getting older and he doesn't care that much about it anymore. But he's only 28!! What do I do?
- Sick of begging
A: What kind of man is he? What kind of real man wouldn't want to cuddle up with his girl, get romantic and...watch Jeopardy? I assume that's what we're talking about here. If so, here's my response: The category is "What is Dump His Scrawny Butt!" The answer is: What You're Going to Do to Your Frigid, Whiny Boyfriend!
-DR. Sadie
- Sick of begging
A: What kind of man is he? What kind of real man wouldn't want to cuddle up with his girl, get romantic and...watch Jeopardy? I assume that's what we're talking about here. If so, here's my response: The category is "What is Dump His Scrawny Butt!" The answer is: What You're Going to Do to Your Frigid, Whiny Boyfriend!
-DR. Sadie
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