Q: Sadie,Where do I find Ron from Chicago?
- Lisa
A: Lisa, well this is an extraordinary letter indeed. Am I being given my rightful opportunity to bring two of my fans together to see if they are suited for love?! To recap... Sometime ago, I received a note from a "Ron" in Chicago asking about how he might find his soulmate. In today's Rudy Park comic strip (Wed, August 29), I gave this poor sap my wise counsel. Then, this evening, I received an inquiry from Lisa asking how she might meet Ron. I ask myself: what does this mean? Is Lisa truly hoping to meet Ron? Is she looking for love too? Have I become the conduit for personal connections among my vast and devoted fan base? If so, you two are perfectly suited for one another. Think of everything you have in common. Both of you worship me and my advice. Both of you believe a man should give a woman foot rubs, cook her jello and grilled cheese sandwiches, and read to her from the farmer's almanac when she has insomnia until she falls asleep. It is destiny! Lisa and Ron; Ron and Lisa. May I be invited both to the nuptials and, of course, the nasty divorce proceedings. Love never works out. But I digress.
Ron, if you're interested in meeting Lisa, send me another note. I will facilitate this historic relationship that would never have happened without Ask Sadie!
-DR. Sadie
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
The Purpose of Goofing Off
Q: Just to keep my mom off my back,
What is the cosmic purpose of goofing off?
-Toby
A: Toby, you can tell your mother that the purpose of goofing off is to bring about world peace. If you goof off instead of studying or working, you will eventually come to spend more than 75 percent of your life watching Infommercials and Jerry Springer (These may or may not be actual stats; I'm a "doctor" not a "statistician"). Soon, your brain will become jelly, you'll lose all motivation and your primary goals in life will be to yell at Cheating Husbands you see on TV and eat fried cheese puffs. You won't have any energy or brain power to raise a ruckus or hang out with hooligans, or start a hedge fund. Keep at it, young fella. You've got a bright future.
-DR. Sadie
What is the cosmic purpose of goofing off?
-Toby
A: Toby, you can tell your mother that the purpose of goofing off is to bring about world peace. If you goof off instead of studying or working, you will eventually come to spend more than 75 percent of your life watching Infommercials and Jerry Springer (These may or may not be actual stats; I'm a "doctor" not a "statistician"). Soon, your brain will become jelly, you'll lose all motivation and your primary goals in life will be to yell at Cheating Husbands you see on TV and eat fried cheese puffs. You won't have any energy or brain power to raise a ruckus or hang out with hooligans, or start a hedge fund. Keep at it, young fella. You've got a bright future.
-DR. Sadie
England Ahoy
Q: Dearest Dr Sadie,
Does it matter that I am English?
-Jon from England
A: Jon, I don't care if a man is from England, unless he calls soccer "football." Then we've got a problem that can only be resolved by an angry argument that ends with the man apologizing profusely to me, admitting that real football involves helmets and broken bones, and then sleeping in contrition on the lawn. Are you that kind of man? If so, then borders be damned!
-DR. Sadie
Does it matter that I am English?
-Jon from England
A: Jon, I don't care if a man is from England, unless he calls soccer "football." Then we've got a problem that can only be resolved by an angry argument that ends with the man apologizing profusely to me, admitting that real football involves helmets and broken bones, and then sleeping in contrition on the lawn. Are you that kind of man? If so, then borders be damned!
-DR. Sadie
Love And Marriage
Q: Dr. Sadie,This morning I managed to piss off my wife by telling her I loved her. What happened?
-Schadeboy, Sierra Vista, AZ
A: Schadeboy, first a question, and this is a delicate one: are you sure it was your wife you were talking to? I myself have sometimes become distracted and accidentally said something intimate to the wrong person. If, in fact, it was your wife you spoke to, and she got angry, then you are confronting the simple, charming reality that marriage is a death trap that will squeeze the essence from your soul. Either that, or she was low blood sugar.
-DR. Sadie
-Schadeboy, Sierra Vista, AZ
A: Schadeboy, first a question, and this is a delicate one: are you sure it was your wife you were talking to? I myself have sometimes become distracted and accidentally said something intimate to the wrong person. If, in fact, it was your wife you spoke to, and she got angry, then you are confronting the simple, charming reality that marriage is a death trap that will squeeze the essence from your soul. Either that, or she was low blood sugar.
-DR. Sadie
RSS in the USA
Q: Dearest Dr Sadie,Also, why does your blog not have an RSS feed? Do you expect me to type in your web address every time? Cos if you think I'm bookmarking you, you're wrong. (That's right, *bookmarking* - I use a Mac and I'm proud).
-Jon from England
A: Dear Jon, are you sure you're from England? Because you're message reads like #*^& Ancient Greek! RSS Feed? Bookmarking? Blog? Are you speaking on tongues? The last time I was this confused, I was on a date with a general turned president whose name rhymes with Blight Meisenhower and he had a few hot toddies and confessed he liked to dress up like a girl. In the future, please confine your cards and letters to jargon I can understand you #*^&! Also, thanks for visiting the site. You sound very nice.
-DR. Sadie
-Jon from England
A: Dear Jon, are you sure you're from England? Because you're message reads like #*^& Ancient Greek! RSS Feed? Bookmarking? Blog? Are you speaking on tongues? The last time I was this confused, I was on a date with a general turned president whose name rhymes with Blight Meisenhower and he had a few hot toddies and confessed he liked to dress up like a girl. In the future, please confine your cards and letters to jargon I can understand you #*^&! Also, thanks for visiting the site. You sound very nice.
-DR. Sadie
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Dressing For Successful Friendship
Q: Sadie, I have a problem with keeping friends around. See, I need them to admire me. The fodder for my wit. Sadly, they do not enjoy my company. How can I do a better job of pretending to like them and making them feel fascinating and wonderful so they'll stick around and be my audience?
-Loney genius
A: LG, I get this question a lot. My answer always is, in a word: costumes. You've got to dress up more, like a clown, or an animal, or a blender. Use your imagination. This will both amuse your "friends" and distract them from the fact that you annoy them. See, life's simple if you just stop to think about it.
-DR. Sadie
-Loney genius
A: LG, I get this question a lot. My answer always is, in a word: costumes. You've got to dress up more, like a clown, or an animal, or a blender. Use your imagination. This will both amuse your "friends" and distract them from the fact that you annoy them. See, life's simple if you just stop to think about it.
-DR. Sadie
Sarcasm Chasm
Q: Dear Sadie,
Do you EVER have any nice and polite responses for your listeners?
Regards,
-Tired of Listening to Your Saracasm
A: Dear TLYS, thank you for raising this important question and feeling comfortable sharing your feelings. Too often, readers and listeners are afraid to criticize me, raise uncomfortable issues, or reveal to the world their tender sensibilities, especially knowing their wives or girlfriends might find out that they are deeply sensitive and often like to have a nice cry. I want to assure you that I will henceforth be sincere and nice and cut out all that sarcasm and meanness that is too much for a tender soul like you to handle. Is that better?
-DR. Sadie
Do you EVER have any nice and polite responses for your listeners?
Regards,
-Tired of Listening to Your Saracasm
A: Dear TLYS, thank you for raising this important question and feeling comfortable sharing your feelings. Too often, readers and listeners are afraid to criticize me, raise uncomfortable issues, or reveal to the world their tender sensibilities, especially knowing their wives or girlfriends might find out that they are deeply sensitive and often like to have a nice cry. I want to assure you that I will henceforth be sincere and nice and cut out all that sarcasm and meanness that is too much for a tender soul like you to handle. Is that better?
-DR. Sadie
Don't Throw Away Your Education
Q: I am trying to get motivated to finish my MBA. How can I get thedesire to go back to school at 53?
-Wayne
A: Wayne, two words: food fight! As an older American (though still a pup to me), you've got a whole set of wily skills and experience that will come in handy when you get into a monster hash-slinging contest in the cafeteria. So get back there, show your school spirit, and hit that obnoxious guy from the football team in the face with a plate of lasagna. And, of course, please remember the most important rule about succeeding in school: duck.
-DR. Sadie
-Wayne
A: Wayne, two words: food fight! As an older American (though still a pup to me), you've got a whole set of wily skills and experience that will come in handy when you get into a monster hash-slinging contest in the cafeteria. So get back there, show your school spirit, and hit that obnoxious guy from the football team in the face with a plate of lasagna. And, of course, please remember the most important rule about succeeding in school: duck.
-DR. Sadie
Monday, August 20, 2007
Words for a Road Hog
Q: Dear Sadie,
My boyfriend and I have a lot of trouble communicating while we are riding our motorcycles and we always end up in arguments. I want to buy a bike-to-bike communication system, but he says it's too expensive. Should we try to learn "sign" language instead?
-Harley Momma
A: Dear HM,
The premise of your question disturbs me. Your phrasing suggests that you don't want to get into arguments -- almost as if arguments are a bad thing. Quite the contrary. Arguments are the lifeblood of relationships. You might as well not have a relationship if you don't have arguments. Or, maybe that's sex I'm thinking about. It's been so long I can't remember. The point is: keep arguing and riding your hog, preferably at the same time. It might not be safe for other drivers, but it sure keeps things spicy.
-DR. Sadie
My boyfriend and I have a lot of trouble communicating while we are riding our motorcycles and we always end up in arguments. I want to buy a bike-to-bike communication system, but he says it's too expensive. Should we try to learn "sign" language instead?
-Harley Momma
A: Dear HM,
The premise of your question disturbs me. Your phrasing suggests that you don't want to get into arguments -- almost as if arguments are a bad thing. Quite the contrary. Arguments are the lifeblood of relationships. You might as well not have a relationship if you don't have arguments. Or, maybe that's sex I'm thinking about. It's been so long I can't remember. The point is: keep arguing and riding your hog, preferably at the same time. It might not be safe for other drivers, but it sure keeps things spicy.
-DR. Sadie
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