Q: Sadie, can you tell me why the Orange County (Calif.) Register insists on running Rudy Park when they could run Candorville, a much better strip also penned by Darrin Bell? No offense, but the chick in Candorville is much hotter than you. Happy New Year.
-David
A: David, you wouldn't know a hot woman if she came up and slapped you in the forehead with a frying pan. Which is what any woman worth her salt should do the moment she sees you while also carrying a pan. As to Darrin Bell, I hear that guy eats bugs -- COMMUNIST bugs. He's a whiner, and he's not funny, and he draws like that commie Karl Marx. If you like Candorville, you probably like to listen to the soundtracks from Broadway Musicals and get weepy. Let me know when you're ready for a real woman -- and I'll slap you in the head myself.
-DR. Sadie
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Hot Jobs in 2008
Q: Dear Dr.Sadie, I recently lost my job and I was wondering if you have any tips on hot job trends for 2008?
-Cris
A: Cris, this is an appropriate question. We are spiralling into a recession, and many of my listeners could find themselves jobless. What should you do? There is a job opening, and, if you're one of my followers, you're qualified: you should run for president. You won't win. You'll be crushed by John McCain (a hunk of a man and the bravest soul ever to wear pants). But just running should get you through until November. And, if for some reason the stud McCain should drop out of the race to marry me, and you wind up as President, please send Rudy to Guantanamo Bay.
-DR. Sadie
-Cris
A: Cris, this is an appropriate question. We are spiralling into a recession, and many of my listeners could find themselves jobless. What should you do? There is a job opening, and, if you're one of my followers, you're qualified: you should run for president. You won't win. You'll be crushed by John McCain (a hunk of a man and the bravest soul ever to wear pants). But just running should get you through until November. And, if for some reason the stud McCain should drop out of the race to marry me, and you wind up as President, please send Rudy to Guantanamo Bay.
-DR. Sadie
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Lisa, meet Ron; Ron, Lisa
Q: Sadie,Where do I find Ron from Chicago?
- Lisa
A: Lisa, well this is an extraordinary letter indeed. Am I being given my rightful opportunity to bring two of my fans together to see if they are suited for love?! To recap... Sometime ago, I received a note from a "Ron" in Chicago asking about how he might find his soulmate. In today's Rudy Park comic strip (Wed, August 29), I gave this poor sap my wise counsel. Then, this evening, I received an inquiry from Lisa asking how she might meet Ron. I ask myself: what does this mean? Is Lisa truly hoping to meet Ron? Is she looking for love too? Have I become the conduit for personal connections among my vast and devoted fan base? If so, you two are perfectly suited for one another. Think of everything you have in common. Both of you worship me and my advice. Both of you believe a man should give a woman foot rubs, cook her jello and grilled cheese sandwiches, and read to her from the farmer's almanac when she has insomnia until she falls asleep. It is destiny! Lisa and Ron; Ron and Lisa. May I be invited both to the nuptials and, of course, the nasty divorce proceedings. Love never works out. But I digress.
Ron, if you're interested in meeting Lisa, send me another note. I will facilitate this historic relationship that would never have happened without Ask Sadie!
-DR. Sadie
- Lisa
A: Lisa, well this is an extraordinary letter indeed. Am I being given my rightful opportunity to bring two of my fans together to see if they are suited for love?! To recap... Sometime ago, I received a note from a "Ron" in Chicago asking about how he might find his soulmate. In today's Rudy Park comic strip (Wed, August 29), I gave this poor sap my wise counsel. Then, this evening, I received an inquiry from Lisa asking how she might meet Ron. I ask myself: what does this mean? Is Lisa truly hoping to meet Ron? Is she looking for love too? Have I become the conduit for personal connections among my vast and devoted fan base? If so, you two are perfectly suited for one another. Think of everything you have in common. Both of you worship me and my advice. Both of you believe a man should give a woman foot rubs, cook her jello and grilled cheese sandwiches, and read to her from the farmer's almanac when she has insomnia until she falls asleep. It is destiny! Lisa and Ron; Ron and Lisa. May I be invited both to the nuptials and, of course, the nasty divorce proceedings. Love never works out. But I digress.
Ron, if you're interested in meeting Lisa, send me another note. I will facilitate this historic relationship that would never have happened without Ask Sadie!
-DR. Sadie
The Purpose of Goofing Off
Q: Just to keep my mom off my back,
What is the cosmic purpose of goofing off?
-Toby
A: Toby, you can tell your mother that the purpose of goofing off is to bring about world peace. If you goof off instead of studying or working, you will eventually come to spend more than 75 percent of your life watching Infommercials and Jerry Springer (These may or may not be actual stats; I'm a "doctor" not a "statistician"). Soon, your brain will become jelly, you'll lose all motivation and your primary goals in life will be to yell at Cheating Husbands you see on TV and eat fried cheese puffs. You won't have any energy or brain power to raise a ruckus or hang out with hooligans, or start a hedge fund. Keep at it, young fella. You've got a bright future.
-DR. Sadie
What is the cosmic purpose of goofing off?
-Toby
A: Toby, you can tell your mother that the purpose of goofing off is to bring about world peace. If you goof off instead of studying or working, you will eventually come to spend more than 75 percent of your life watching Infommercials and Jerry Springer (These may or may not be actual stats; I'm a "doctor" not a "statistician"). Soon, your brain will become jelly, you'll lose all motivation and your primary goals in life will be to yell at Cheating Husbands you see on TV and eat fried cheese puffs. You won't have any energy or brain power to raise a ruckus or hang out with hooligans, or start a hedge fund. Keep at it, young fella. You've got a bright future.
-DR. Sadie
England Ahoy
Q: Dearest Dr Sadie,
Does it matter that I am English?
-Jon from England
A: Jon, I don't care if a man is from England, unless he calls soccer "football." Then we've got a problem that can only be resolved by an angry argument that ends with the man apologizing profusely to me, admitting that real football involves helmets and broken bones, and then sleeping in contrition on the lawn. Are you that kind of man? If so, then borders be damned!
-DR. Sadie
Does it matter that I am English?
-Jon from England
A: Jon, I don't care if a man is from England, unless he calls soccer "football." Then we've got a problem that can only be resolved by an angry argument that ends with the man apologizing profusely to me, admitting that real football involves helmets and broken bones, and then sleeping in contrition on the lawn. Are you that kind of man? If so, then borders be damned!
-DR. Sadie
Love And Marriage
Q: Dr. Sadie,This morning I managed to piss off my wife by telling her I loved her. What happened?
-Schadeboy, Sierra Vista, AZ
A: Schadeboy, first a question, and this is a delicate one: are you sure it was your wife you were talking to? I myself have sometimes become distracted and accidentally said something intimate to the wrong person. If, in fact, it was your wife you spoke to, and she got angry, then you are confronting the simple, charming reality that marriage is a death trap that will squeeze the essence from your soul. Either that, or she was low blood sugar.
-DR. Sadie
-Schadeboy, Sierra Vista, AZ
A: Schadeboy, first a question, and this is a delicate one: are you sure it was your wife you were talking to? I myself have sometimes become distracted and accidentally said something intimate to the wrong person. If, in fact, it was your wife you spoke to, and she got angry, then you are confronting the simple, charming reality that marriage is a death trap that will squeeze the essence from your soul. Either that, or she was low blood sugar.
-DR. Sadie
RSS in the USA
Q: Dearest Dr Sadie,Also, why does your blog not have an RSS feed? Do you expect me to type in your web address every time? Cos if you think I'm bookmarking you, you're wrong. (That's right, *bookmarking* - I use a Mac and I'm proud).
-Jon from England
A: Dear Jon, are you sure you're from England? Because you're message reads like #*^& Ancient Greek! RSS Feed? Bookmarking? Blog? Are you speaking on tongues? The last time I was this confused, I was on a date with a general turned president whose name rhymes with Blight Meisenhower and he had a few hot toddies and confessed he liked to dress up like a girl. In the future, please confine your cards and letters to jargon I can understand you #*^&! Also, thanks for visiting the site. You sound very nice.
-DR. Sadie
-Jon from England
A: Dear Jon, are you sure you're from England? Because you're message reads like #*^& Ancient Greek! RSS Feed? Bookmarking? Blog? Are you speaking on tongues? The last time I was this confused, I was on a date with a general turned president whose name rhymes with Blight Meisenhower and he had a few hot toddies and confessed he liked to dress up like a girl. In the future, please confine your cards and letters to jargon I can understand you #*^&! Also, thanks for visiting the site. You sound very nice.
-DR. Sadie
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