Q: Dear Dr. Sadie, how can I get my kids to whine less when cleaning their room?
-Nick P, Centerville, UT
A: Nick, I'm glad you asked this question. It is one of the world's five most pressing questions (along with such others like: Is There a God (and if so, why did she bother creating men with lots of body hair), and How can I get my Spouse to Rub my Feet?).
When me and my siblings didn't clean our rooms, or whined, I'll tell you what my mother did. She made us wear a sign around our necks that said: "Typhoid Host." That sort of thing used to carry a lot of weight. I think maybe would not go over in these politically correct times. Probably better would be to remind your kids that people in many countries don't have bedrooms to clean up and that if they don't quit whining, you'll send them to one of those countries, or to my house, where I'll make them clean the garage wearing the Typhoid sign
-DR. Sadie
Sunday, June 24, 2007
follow the rules or get yelled at
Q: Dear rudy. Y are the Republicans so great?
-anonymous
A: My name is SADIE, not RUDY. Follow the directions, whiner! You don't hear me calling you by someone else's name, Mr. Anonymous (if that is your real name).
-DR. Sadie
-anonymous
A: My name is SADIE, not RUDY. Follow the directions, whiner! You don't hear me calling you by someone else's name, Mr. Anonymous (if that is your real name).
-DR. Sadie
Love on the Iceland
Q: Dear Sadie,
I have recently fallen in love with an Icelandic girl, but I don't speak Icelandic and she doesn't speak English. Any advice?
-Smitten in CA
A: Smitten, is this one of those deals: men are from mars, women are from iceland? I digress. My point is that if you're going to develop a relationship with this woman, you only need to be able to have in common three phrases: I love you; Your turn to Do the Dishes, and DON'T TOUCH ME, I'M TIRED. just learn those and you'll be fine.
-DR. Sadie
I have recently fallen in love with an Icelandic girl, but I don't speak Icelandic and she doesn't speak English. Any advice?
-Smitten in CA
A: Smitten, is this one of those deals: men are from mars, women are from iceland? I digress. My point is that if you're going to develop a relationship with this woman, you only need to be able to have in common three phrases: I love you; Your turn to Do the Dishes, and DON'T TOUCH ME, I'M TIRED. just learn those and you'll be fine.
-DR. Sadie
Hero or Luddite?
Q: Dear Sadie,
I don't have an iPod or a cellphone, my 13" analog TV is 12 years old,and I still occasionally write handwritten letters. Is there something wrong with me?
-Anxious In Austin
A: Anxious, you sound like a great person with fine values. I could kiss you (but only after six months of chaperoned dating).
-DR. Sadie
I don't have an iPod or a cellphone, my 13" analog TV is 12 years old,and I still occasionally write handwritten letters. Is there something wrong with me?
-Anxious In Austin
A: Anxious, you sound like a great person with fine values. I could kiss you (but only after six months of chaperoned dating).
-DR. Sadie
Dealing with Deceit
Q:
Recently I've had two people who I thought were my friends lie to me drastically, what do I do about it????????
-Dumped and Confused
A: D&C, first, I'd advise using fewer question marks. But that's not really the main point. Lying is evil, awful, mean, and never called for. Except in this case. The best thing to do is get even by telling your two friends that you have come into a bunch of money. Make it really convincing. Tell them you appreciate their friendship and want to share your riches with them. Then never, ever return their calls or emails. It's shameful. But potentially very funny. Let me know how it turns out.
-DR. Sadie
Recently I've had two people who I thought were my friends lie to me drastically, what do I do about it????????
-Dumped and Confused
A: D&C, first, I'd advise using fewer question marks. But that's not really the main point. Lying is evil, awful, mean, and never called for. Except in this case. The best thing to do is get even by telling your two friends that you have come into a bunch of money. Make it really convincing. Tell them you appreciate their friendship and want to share your riches with them. Then never, ever return their calls or emails. It's shameful. But potentially very funny. Let me know how it turns out.
-DR. Sadie
Bugged by SUVs
Q: Dear Sadie,I drive a Volkswagen Beetle. I chose it because they look funny, it is fun to drive, and the gas mileage is pretty good. It's all the car I need. So - the problem. SUV's and trucks. I can't tell you the number of times I have been pushed around by owners of SUV's and trucks who have done things like:
* merge right and pass me just to swerve right back in front of me. (Since the traffic speed was 10 MPH over the speed limit, it certainly wasn't because I was going too slow!)
* see me coming on the street and peel out of the parking lot when anyone with half a brain would realize that they clearly did not have the right of way and were risking a collision.
* speed up as soon as they see my turn signal indicting I need to merge into their lane. The list goes on. It's annoying. I'm thinking of mounting some kind of cannon on the front of my bumper in answer to this rudeness. What do you think?
-Hopped up Bug Owner
A: Bug Owner, I can appreciate your frustration. Nobody likes to be pushed around by impolite gas-guzzling jerks. I remember one time in the 50s, I was dating a guy whose overbearing mother got a little pushy with me. I went to an old army outpost, stole a tank, and drove it onto her lawn. Now tanks, those things use a lot of gas. But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, what to do about these jerks? Is it possible you can find a tank somewhere?
-DR. Sadie
* merge right and pass me just to swerve right back in front of me. (Since the traffic speed was 10 MPH over the speed limit, it certainly wasn't because I was going too slow!)
* see me coming on the street and peel out of the parking lot when anyone with half a brain would realize that they clearly did not have the right of way and were risking a collision.
* speed up as soon as they see my turn signal indicting I need to merge into their lane. The list goes on. It's annoying. I'm thinking of mounting some kind of cannon on the front of my bumper in answer to this rudeness. What do you think?
-Hopped up Bug Owner
A: Bug Owner, I can appreciate your frustration. Nobody likes to be pushed around by impolite gas-guzzling jerks. I remember one time in the 50s, I was dating a guy whose overbearing mother got a little pushy with me. I went to an old army outpost, stole a tank, and drove it onto her lawn. Now tanks, those things use a lot of gas. But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, what to do about these jerks? Is it possible you can find a tank somewhere?
-DR. Sadie
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